The P Word: Dissecting Patriarchy 101 for beginners

In this blog, I will observe the effects that the oppressive system called patriarchy has on the male entity. I tend to always throw advice in my blog, but in this post, I will only comment and view rather than instruct. I will also not generalize on the male entity as it can bring negative comments. 

Co Attributor: Sabelo Dlamini. (@sabelo_jay_dlamini) 

My female friends always tell me that they struggle to understand men. "That men just don't get it", or "men are so hard to understand". But are they really? Are we as women not giving the time to see how patriarchy, [a system that oppress both women and men but allows for men to be superior] in fact lets men be difficult on themselves? I shall elaborate.

Let's start first by confirming that patriarchy is the single most life-threatening social disease assaulting the male body. However most men do not use the word patriarchy in everyday life, I am pretty sure they do not how it is created and sustained, or even how to spell it. Men who usually associate the word patriarchy, tend to associate it with the bra burning, radical feminists, But I digress. Patriarchy is a political-social system that insists that males are inherently dominating, superior to everything and everyone deemed weak, especially females and endowed with the right to dominate and rule over the weak to maintain their power. Now based on that definition,  I shall observe how this oppressive system is self-harming to the male entity.

We are aware that women's role in society is to serve, to be weak, to be free from the burden of thinking, to caretake and nurture others. Men's role in society is to be served, to provide, to be strong, to think, strategize, and plan. Men are taught that their value would be determined by his will to do violence (albeit in appropriate settings). Men are taught not to express their feelings.  We can argue how these roles in the 21st century have changed, but let's stick to the traditional roles.

What happens when men do not fulfill these roles? How does society attack the outlier? Now many men admit that they have been brought up in a household that does not instill patriarchal values. My one friend even mentioned how he was allowed to play with barbie dolls, but that it was the society that initiated him into patriarchy values. When men e been initiated into patriarchy, we force them to feel pain and to deny their feelings. Although I might not have enough personal stories to share, it can be accepted that the tyrannical power of patriarchy still holds us captive.

It is also important to observe that patriarchal thinkers are common to females and males and that the male entity is not the only entity to sustain patriarchal values. Most of us learned patriarchal attitudes in our family of origin, and they were usually taught to us by our mothers. Still to this day, my mom frowns upon the fact that I have the skill to connect the amplifier to other devices, but will praise me when I am cleaning, cooking and washing. From home, these patriarchal attitudes are reinforced in schools and religious institutions. Since 2002, women were only allowed to be ordained to be priests and deacons. Weird. We can not assume that men are the sole teachers of patriarchal thinking.

The silence promotes our denial. We can not deny, that men do oppress women. We can not deny that women promote patriarchal values. We can not deny that this oppressive system allows for the domination of men to prosper in society. Now, we as a "woke" generation need to come up with solutions to address how to enlighten men and break their shackles from the mental and psychological oppression. We are so quick to scream "foul" for racial injustices, but when our sisters and brothers are being beaten, raped and marginalized by a social system, we remain silent. WE can not remain silent anymore. I will not stand for the future generation to fall to this system, we need to do something for both entities.

A tale of two worlds

This is a piece that I decided to write about from the perspective of a girl and boy about the teaching and prevention of rape. I feel that rape culture is something that needs to be discussed with all gender classes. I hope you do enjoy it, and I hope that you can be brave to have discussions about something that can and does have an impact of all of us. 

Girl: My school was fairly progressive; they even taught contraception in our sex education class. 

Boy: When I was 14, my dad handed me a box of condoms, and said, "You know how to use these, right?" 

Girl: We were taught which preventative methods were the most effective. 

Girl: And where to go if something broke

Both: What to take, how to fix

Girl: This mess you've gotten yourself into. We were taught about herpes, and gonorrhea and syphilis. 

Both: And how to keep all your fluids to yourself. 

Boy: My friends taught me which clinics wouldn't tell my parents 

Girl: Which ones handed out free condoms

Both: But I was never taught that there are worse things that could happen than a baby or a disease

Girl: Yeah, we learned about roofies

Boy: We learned to respect when a woman says 'No.' 

Girl: We learned about protecting your drink, carrying pepper spray

Boy: We learned what to do when a woman is assaulted

Both: But not that this could happen to me

Girl: I was a virgin when I was raped for the first time

Boy: When IT happened to me, it was 10 AM, and my parents were home

Both: My textbook hadn't described the way I wouldn't even try to fight, there was no paragraph for how to stop them without making a scene. 

Girl: There wasn't a worksheet for how to stop him without waking my parents

Boy: there was no correct answer to her threats of suicide when I wasn't in the mood.

Girl: There was no manual for the police victim

Both: You know, it wasn;t like they said it'd be

Girl: I was sober, he was sober 

Both: We were...

Girl: 17

Boy: 15

Girl: They didn't teach me that I wouldn't know how to protect myself

Both: That my lungs would close up, and we would make pretend husband and wife, make pretend love. 

Boy: The thing about pretend

Both: Is that it flattens everything to one color 

Boy: It makes it too simple 

Girl: It makes it one syllable 

Boy: I learned that if you don't scream

Both: No one will listen to you

Boy: They don't write about the ones that got away

Girl: I learned that foundation comes in different shades

Both: No one wants to hear 

Girl: The struggles that are associated with your skin color 

Boy: They only ask how you're doing

Girl: I don't wanna blame my school 

Boy: I don't wanna blame her

Girl: I don't wanna blame my church, or my mother or even the boy 

Boy: We were just children

Girl: But this is preventable

Both: So someone must be responsible for preventing it, we can teach this better. 

Boy: Some paintings are built from a thousand points of color

Girl: If you stand too close, a sunset becomes just speckles of red dots.

Boy: We teach that rape is always a man in an alley 

Girl: Always a clenched jaw and a closed fist

Boy: Always a stained white shirt

Girl: But I never used my pepper spray 

Boy: I never had to worry about an uncle in a locked room 

Both: Do not confuse one story for all stories 

Girl: Do not stare at a red dot and say...

Both: The whole painting is just one color

Who Were You Before the World Told You Who You Should Be?

Unfuck Yourself. 

Yes, I said it. Un FUCK yourself. You are probably confused by what I mean,  but I shall elaborate. You are also probably confused by the long title of this post, but the title is the crux of the post.

You are also probably confused at how society judges you for your fashion sense, or how you carry yourself when you are amongst family and friends. You are extremely confused at how society tells you to be yourself and when you are, you are told through advertising that your kind is the outliers.

And the only way to be accepted in society, you are required to dress a certain way and act a certain way. All these instructions as to how you behave ultimately lead to the question: Are you free?

Are you free to live in a society to not be judged based on whether your hair is curly or straight?
Are you free to live in a society that will judge you based on your character and not make generalisations on the basis of your skin?

When have we ever been free when we have been instructed as to how to conduct ourselves with regards to our personal expression of ourselves.

How many times have you said "She is so ugly"; "Look at her weird face"; and the moment that oppressed individual attempts to fix themselves with the use of makeup, society is already condemning the use of too much make up and "false advertising". It seems like it is a lose-lose situation. No matter how hard you try to fit in, society will always find something wrong with you in order to make you feel not beautiful.

Well here's my advice. Unfuck yourself. Society has been so busy penetrating your soul, that it is time that you be who you were before all that stuff happened that dimmed your shine. You are ALL beautiful, don't let anyone tell you differently, not even yourself.

To Tinder or Not to Tinder?

“Is love a tender thing? It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn.”

-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet.

The 21st century is definitely a very interesting time. We are bestowed with technology and gadgets that aim to make our lives easier. But what about our love life? Have we lost touch with the idea of meeting "the one" at a cafe or bumping into the "love of our life" in public areas?

Applications like Tinder in which a user can log in with their facebook account allows for the user to choose their own preferences and "swipe left" for rejecting and "swipe right" for accepting their ideal bachelor or bachelorette.

I personally have used the application, and I am making the decision to delete it. Here are a few reasons:

Tinder is regarded as a dating application, however, my problem lies with the majority of the users (that have matched with me) intentions are to meet up for sexual relations. I understand we live in a free world, but just being immersed into a world of sexual relations is draining for the soul.

A beautiful phenomenon, love is now being commercialised into a social activity.  The swiping left and swiping right has become a mindless routine, and instead of focusing on one's personality, the higher chance of you receiving a match will be only based on your physical appearance.

In conclusion, it should be pointed out that love should never be used as a capitalist gain. The fact that users have the option to pay a subscription fee to receive a premium package is just obtuse. Call me a pessimist, but swiping left and swiping right to find the love of your life is kinda dull.