Who Were You Before the World Told You Who You Should Be?

Unfuck Yourself. 

Yes, I said it. Un FUCK yourself. You are probably confused by what I mean,  but I shall elaborate. You are also probably confused by the long title of this post, but the title is the crux of the post.

You are also probably confused at how society judges you for your fashion sense, or how you carry yourself when you are amongst family and friends. You are extremely confused at how society tells you to be yourself and when you are, you are told through advertising that your kind is the outliers.

And the only way to be accepted in society, you are required to dress a certain way and act a certain way. All these instructions as to how you behave ultimately lead to the question: Are you free?

Are you free to live in a society to not be judged based on whether your hair is curly or straight?
Are you free to live in a society that will judge you based on your character and not make generalisations on the basis of your skin?

When have we ever been free when we have been instructed as to how to conduct ourselves with regards to our personal expression of ourselves.

How many times have you said "She is so ugly"; "Look at her weird face"; and the moment that oppressed individual attempts to fix themselves with the use of makeup, society is already condemning the use of too much make up and "false advertising". It seems like it is a lose-lose situation. No matter how hard you try to fit in, society will always find something wrong with you in order to make you feel not beautiful.

Well here's my advice. Unfuck yourself. Society has been so busy penetrating your soul, that it is time that you be who you were before all that stuff happened that dimmed your shine. You are ALL beautiful, don't let anyone tell you differently, not even yourself.

To Tinder or Not to Tinder?

“Is love a tender thing? It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn.”

-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet.

The 21st century is definitely a very interesting time. We are bestowed with technology and gadgets that aim to make our lives easier. But what about our love life? Have we lost touch with the idea of meeting "the one" at a cafe or bumping into the "love of our life" in public areas?

Applications like Tinder in which a user can log in with their facebook account allows for the user to choose their own preferences and "swipe left" for rejecting and "swipe right" for accepting their ideal bachelor or bachelorette.

I personally have used the application, and I am making the decision to delete it. Here are a few reasons:

Tinder is regarded as a dating application, however, my problem lies with the majority of the users (that have matched with me) intentions are to meet up for sexual relations. I understand we live in a free world, but just being immersed into a world of sexual relations is draining for the soul.

A beautiful phenomenon, love is now being commercialised into a social activity.  The swiping left and swiping right has become a mindless routine, and instead of focusing on one's personality, the higher chance of you receiving a match will be only based on your physical appearance.

In conclusion, it should be pointed out that love should never be used as a capitalist gain. The fact that users have the option to pay a subscription fee to receive a premium package is just obtuse. Call me a pessimist, but swiping left and swiping right to find the love of your life is kinda dull.

Why Do Men Only Want A Party In Our Pants?

Before I start with this post, I just wanted to put a Disclaimer out there, that this post is very very biased. I do not mean to offend the male entity, but I do mean to try and change the mindset of the male mind, and note I did say TRY.


It has come to my attention, that through my experience and through my close friends experiences, the men in our lives tend to just want to have a party in our pants. Now as I sit here and type out this blog, I recently had a conversation with a guy that I have known for some time. And luckily (this barely happens), he asked me to drinks for Sunday evening. I wasn't really feeling it, but I decided to wait before responding too soon.

But...
Then I really got to thinking.


What else are you supposed to do when you're hungover, watching soccer or rugby? There is only one reason a guy would want to go out on a Sunday night: because he didn't get laid over the weekend. Boom. I am a freaking genius and my thoughts should be compared to those of Aristotle. (Not really).

When I suggested to meeting on a different night during the week, I was left with no response, which completely proved my theory. He didn't want drinks, he didn't want conversation, he just wanted to get laid. No hard feelings though, I am glad I was The One you wanted and sorry I wasn't coherent enough the first time we met.

Back to the topic at hand, seriously though, why do guys always just want sex? My one friend said: "I thought guys in the real world would have developed hobbies and interests other than vaginas." Sadly, that does not seem like the case. Whatever happened to meet ups and shared interests? If I want to go see a movie that I know we'd enjoy together, that doesn't mean I also want to sleep with you afterwards, and you men should be okay with that.

I understand that we're young, we're having fun, and we're all trying our best, but getting laid shouldn't always be the end game. Since when did "wanting to be social" and "wanting to bang" become synonymous with each other?
GIRLS, we need to start telling the truth. These silly excuses like: "I have my period;" "My dad hot-glued my private parts." Why do we say those things instead of telling the truth? Because of years of hearing that guys "get insecure" has trained us not to hurt a mans ego. Please. Not wanting to have a "party in my pants" and then kick me out of your apartment has nothing to do with your ego.

The Bottom Line from my Girlfriends:
#1

Stay true to what you want. Let a guy woo you and only have sex with him when it feels right for you. 

#2

Just go with the flow and let them use you for sex. Eventually you will find the guy that likes you for who you are. 

#3

A guy can't use you for sex unless you allow them to. Take responsibility for your own actions before its too late. 

#4

You just have to find the right guy. Tell them you aren't going to have sex if they ask. Don't worry you will eventually find the right guy. 

#5

Guys like him need Jesus. Go to Church or find a gym or go the library to avoid these people. 

But to you men, the next time you meet a girl, try and have a decent conversation without having to talk about 'the party'.

Till Next Time...
C

Hope.

I hope you fall in love with someone who always texts back and never lets you fall asleep thinking you are unwanted. 

I hope you fall in love with someone who holds your hand during the scary parts of horror movies, who holds your hand when life is also too, scary. 

I hope you fall in love with someone who see galaxies in your eyes and hears music in your heartbeats. 

I hope you fall in love with someone who tickles you and makes you smile on hard days and easy ones. 

But beyond all, I hope you fall in love with someone who will never leave you behind or take you for granted, someone who will stand by you when you are right and stand by you when you are wrong, someone who has seen you at your worst and has loved you still, someone who won't use you for their own personal agenda. 

I hope

You fall for someone who kisses you in the rain and hugs you in the cold. 

And wouldn't have you any other way. 

This is All.

If you're laying in bed

wrapped up in sheets 

of miserable thoughts 

Go to sleep 

If thumbing through old messages

only causes your heart to ache

and long for something unattainable

Erase them 

If it hurts to keep 

everything you're feeling 

bottled up inside

Let it out

If you're clinging onto someone 

that doesn't treat you like 

you're worth the world

Let them go 

because sometimes 

we choose to believe 

that things are only 

indistinguishable shades of grey 

when in reality, 

life is more black and white 

than it seems

If you're unhappy 

with the way 

you are living your life

Change it

Soulmates: A Reality or A Torture Device?

"According to Greek Mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two seperate beings, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves." - Plato's The Symposium

When do you know that this person that you call 'other half' is really as people call it now a days: "the one". What reliable process does a person retain in order to know that their other half is the person that they plan on spending their entire life with. But I guess as my friend said recently, "when you know, you know". I'm just not sure that's enough information to tell oneself that this is your soulmate.

Society today has thrown this term 'soulmate' so loosely that I think people don't really know exactly what it is. Many of us have pondered on this concept, but honestly what is a soul mate? Do I have one? And if so, where is mine? The idea that there is one special person created just for you, is just a very very scary thought. 

Love is not logical, it is of the soul. Soulmates are brought into your life so that you can grow and expand into the best version of yourself. 

So, when do you know that you've stumbled across this soulmate of yours? 

Simply put, you don't. That's what makes the journey of love so exciting. You can be attracted to any person, you could have the same interests and hobbies, but that doesn't necessarily make them your soulmate. Your soulmate is your "other you", and no matter when you find them, they are always worth the wait.

But until then, we are searching or waiting for the one to arrive and let's just hope that 'the one' makes a grand entrance upon arrival. 

Till Next Time:

C

Love Knows No Color

I have been away for some time and now I'm back, with a topic that I've finally been waiting to write about. 

I am blessed to live in a beautiful and diverse country in which people are able to express themselves through art,music,dance,rhetoric etc. I am blessed to live in a country where it is filled with people who have come from dissimilar walks of life, but sadly enough, these diverse unique people are too afraid to share their life with another person who happens to be of a different race or religion. It upsets me that in a diverse country, people are too 'afraid' and this leaves me wondering, are we really diverse as we state we are? Are we really willing to accept each other's values and embrace each other's heritages? 

Recently I was engaged in a discussion with a "vanilla" boy who told me that he could never date out of his race as he is too afraid of what will happen. Another conversation happened with a "chocolate" girl who believed that dating out of your race means that you wouldn't see eye to eye as white and black are two different colors. In the 21st century, it is shocking to see that color/race is still an important concept. Surely if I have the same blood color and other features that equate to being termed as "human", then surely color shouldn't be an issue. 

So I provide a challenge to you, my fellow reader. Imagine a situation where you are in a relationship with a person who is of different race or religion to you and imagine the person being the perfect compatiable match that you are looking for. Imagine this situation, and ask yourself would you proceed in this great relationship based on the persons character that could bestow a great relationship or would you simply admit defeat based on the conclusion that this persons skin color clouds your judgement.

I am a black woman who likes white, colored and Indian men. It doesn't mean that I don't like my own race. It means I'm a black woman who doesn't let race get in the way of my happiness. 

Don't let that happen to you. Be open minded. See the world differently.