A Simple Guide To Understanding White Privilege

Most of the time, when people hear the word "white privilege" it tends to end in heated arguments. The most common response is how: "I have to work hard as everyone else", "People of Color have affirmative action or BEE, let's get over the whole race thing." and the most typical line: "Stop making EVERYTHING about race." 

These comments that I have read lately have started to frustrate me and has now led to this - a blog post about what EXACTLY is white privilege. 

In today's lesson, we will start with the basic foundations. 

If you have gotten this far, this means that you are interested in wanting to know what exactly WP is. White privilege is defined as “a term for societal privileges that benefit white people in Western countries beyond what is commonly experienced by non­-white people under the same social, political, or economic circumstances.”

In other words, in Western countries, white people are to be considered the "normal" whilst people of color are to be considered different. 

White privilege is simply the fact that majority of beauty products are meant to cater for the 'normal' group, causing a lot of beauty products to not work properly on People of Color (POC) skin or hair. As a black girl, finding my shampoo is nearly impossible, and when I do it is in an aisle labeled something like “ethnic products” and costs a lot more than “normal” shampoo.

A lot of people use the fact that POC have designated TV channels (BET, Mzansi Magic), groups, laws and other spaces as a pointer for white privilege not existing. If anything, these prove the fact that white privilege exists, because there doesn’t have to be a White Entertainment Channel for white people to see themselves playing a majority of the roles.

In high school, I always used to envy the girls that society appreciated. That is what society wanted and accepted. I, a black woman was seen as the deviant. The other that should not be regarded in society. White girls and boys are taught from birth through the media that they are beautiful and desirable while POC children are taught the exact opposite. So phrases and movements like Black Girls Are Magic exist to empower Women of Color and remind them that they are just as good. They are not put in place to say Women of Color are “better.” Most of the laws, groups, channels and other spaces made for POC were created because white people either refused to listen or allow POC to fit their standards of “good enough,” so POC created a safe place for themselves to grow and feel confident.

Don't agree with the previous paragraph? Let's discuss the "All lives Matter" movement. In Chicago, America, more people die in this state compared to the lives lost in Iraq and Afghanistan COMBINED. Don't believe me? Watch Spike Lee's Chiraq movie. Earlier this month, a young black boy was shot and killed for carrying a toy gun. Many things were said, but the statement that resonated with me was: Black lives clearly do not matter. "When a white man is stopped in America, he has the opportunity to justify himself for carrying a weapon. When a black man is seen with carrying a suspicious object, he is shot and killed." We can not override the Black lives matter movement because black bodies are worthless. The justice system has failed many black people in America, and it SHOULD be fair to give the minority the protection they require and DESERVE. White people who fail to see the importance of the movement, are further marginalizing People of color.

Now, let's see how South Africa practices White Privilege:

There are many highly skilled and qualified black professionals however they tend to remain junior managers and window dressers in Corporate South Africa, including the famous Hart Bank aka Standard Bank where there is only one black person in the eight-member white male Executive Committee. To add on to this, thousands more black graduates remain unemployed because they "lack experience." This is the democratic dividend which reproduces white privilege. And we as South Africans are expected to forgive and forget and not "think in racial terms."

The truth of the matter is:

No matter how many #screwbeauty campaigns we have, eurocentric standards will still be the norm, and people of color will always be deemed as the other.

No matter the fact is that 90% of American mass shootings are done by white men, the American Justice system will continue to paint people of color as violent.

No matter how many times we talk about white privilege, many people will sweep under the rug and tell people of color to forget about it.

Now let me, at least, make people of color experiences a bit clear for readers:

As a POC, whenever you bring up the unfairness or injustice of your race, people will not regard your experiences. THIS IS FRUSTRATING.

As a POC, you have to be careful of what you name your children, so that in the future when our children go for job interviews, they will sound "hireable."

As a POC, when you speak proper English and get good grades, YOU will ALWAYS be compared to the "normal" people.  You are going to be told that you "sound white"  or "act white" therefore being accepted and assimilated into society.

As a POC, you are constantly thinking about your behavior in order to reject the stereotypes society has created. Black girls are usually - loud, fierce, hard to get, ANGRY, poor, and oversexualized. I am always having to prove these notions wrong in a society that claims that you can be whoever you want to be.

NOW, White privilege doesn’t mean that white people can’t have hard lives, it’s saying that their lives won’t be hard because they are white. If a POC’s name doesn’t sound hireable enough, they could be rejected from a job that they need and deserve simply because of a stereotype. A privilege is anything you have or get that you don’t have to think about. Imagine being denied opportunities in life-based on the premise of your skin color and not on the premise of your character.

This is a simple request:

The next time you start complaining about the fact that you could not find parking at the shopping mall, or you broke your iPhone screen, take a moment to listen to your friends who find their own race to be a struggle, who find society judging them because of the color of their own skin.

Kind Regards

A Loving, Opinionated BLACK WOMAN.

The P Word: Dissecting Patriarchy 101 for beginners

In this blog, I will observe the effects that the oppressive system called patriarchy has on the male entity. I tend to always throw advice in my blog, but in this post, I will only comment and view rather than instruct. I will also not generalize on the male entity as it can bring negative comments. 

Co Attributor: Sabelo Dlamini. (@sabelo_jay_dlamini) 

My female friends always tell me that they struggle to understand men. "That men just don't get it", or "men are so hard to understand". But are they really? Are we as women not giving the time to see how patriarchy, [a system that oppress both women and men but allows for men to be superior] in fact lets men be difficult on themselves? I shall elaborate.

Let's start first by confirming that patriarchy is the single most life-threatening social disease assaulting the male body. However most men do not use the word patriarchy in everyday life, I am pretty sure they do not how it is created and sustained, or even how to spell it. Men who usually associate the word patriarchy, tend to associate it with the bra burning, radical feminists, But I digress. Patriarchy is a political-social system that insists that males are inherently dominating, superior to everything and everyone deemed weak, especially females and endowed with the right to dominate and rule over the weak to maintain their power. Now based on that definition,  I shall observe how this oppressive system is self-harming to the male entity.

We are aware that women's role in society is to serve, to be weak, to be free from the burden of thinking, to caretake and nurture others. Men's role in society is to be served, to provide, to be strong, to think, strategize, and plan. Men are taught that their value would be determined by his will to do violence (albeit in appropriate settings). Men are taught not to express their feelings.  We can argue how these roles in the 21st century have changed, but let's stick to the traditional roles.

What happens when men do not fulfill these roles? How does society attack the outlier? Now many men admit that they have been brought up in a household that does not instill patriarchal values. My one friend even mentioned how he was allowed to play with barbie dolls, but that it was the society that initiated him into patriarchy values. When men e been initiated into patriarchy, we force them to feel pain and to deny their feelings. Although I might not have enough personal stories to share, it can be accepted that the tyrannical power of patriarchy still holds us captive.

It is also important to observe that patriarchal thinkers are common to females and males and that the male entity is not the only entity to sustain patriarchal values. Most of us learned patriarchal attitudes in our family of origin, and they were usually taught to us by our mothers. Still to this day, my mom frowns upon the fact that I have the skill to connect the amplifier to other devices, but will praise me when I am cleaning, cooking and washing. From home, these patriarchal attitudes are reinforced in schools and religious institutions. Since 2002, women were only allowed to be ordained to be priests and deacons. Weird. We can not assume that men are the sole teachers of patriarchal thinking.

The silence promotes our denial. We can not deny, that men do oppress women. We can not deny that women promote patriarchal values. We can not deny that this oppressive system allows for the domination of men to prosper in society. Now, we as a "woke" generation need to come up with solutions to address how to enlighten men and break their shackles from the mental and psychological oppression. We are so quick to scream "foul" for racial injustices, but when our sisters and brothers are being beaten, raped and marginalized by a social system, we remain silent. WE can not remain silent anymore. I will not stand for the future generation to fall to this system, we need to do something for both entities.

A tale of two worlds

This is a piece that I decided to write about from the perspective of a girl and boy about the teaching and prevention of rape. I feel that rape culture is something that needs to be discussed with all gender classes. I hope you do enjoy it, and I hope that you can be brave to have discussions about something that can and does have an impact of all of us. 

Girl: My school was fairly progressive; they even taught contraception in our sex education class. 

Boy: When I was 14, my dad handed me a box of condoms, and said, "You know how to use these, right?" 

Girl: We were taught which preventative methods were the most effective. 

Girl: And where to go if something broke

Both: What to take, how to fix

Girl: This mess you've gotten yourself into. We were taught about herpes, and gonorrhea and syphilis. 

Both: And how to keep all your fluids to yourself. 

Boy: My friends taught me which clinics wouldn't tell my parents 

Girl: Which ones handed out free condoms

Both: But I was never taught that there are worse things that could happen than a baby or a disease

Girl: Yeah, we learned about roofies

Boy: We learned to respect when a woman says 'No.' 

Girl: We learned about protecting your drink, carrying pepper spray

Boy: We learned what to do when a woman is assaulted

Both: But not that this could happen to me

Girl: I was a virgin when I was raped for the first time

Boy: When IT happened to me, it was 10 AM, and my parents were home

Both: My textbook hadn't described the way I wouldn't even try to fight, there was no paragraph for how to stop them without making a scene. 

Girl: There wasn't a worksheet for how to stop him without waking my parents

Boy: there was no correct answer to her threats of suicide when I wasn't in the mood.

Girl: There was no manual for the police victim

Both: You know, it wasn;t like they said it'd be

Girl: I was sober, he was sober 

Both: We were...

Girl: 17

Boy: 15

Girl: They didn't teach me that I wouldn't know how to protect myself

Both: That my lungs would close up, and we would make pretend husband and wife, make pretend love. 

Boy: The thing about pretend

Both: Is that it flattens everything to one color 

Boy: It makes it too simple 

Girl: It makes it one syllable 

Boy: I learned that if you don't scream

Both: No one will listen to you

Boy: They don't write about the ones that got away

Girl: I learned that foundation comes in different shades

Both: No one wants to hear 

Girl: The struggles that are associated with your skin color 

Boy: They only ask how you're doing

Girl: I don't wanna blame my school 

Boy: I don't wanna blame her

Girl: I don't wanna blame my church, or my mother or even the boy 

Boy: We were just children

Girl: But this is preventable

Both: So someone must be responsible for preventing it, we can teach this better. 

Boy: Some paintings are built from a thousand points of color

Girl: If you stand too close, a sunset becomes just speckles of red dots.

Boy: We teach that rape is always a man in an alley 

Girl: Always a clenched jaw and a closed fist

Boy: Always a stained white shirt

Girl: But I never used my pepper spray 

Boy: I never had to worry about an uncle in a locked room 

Both: Do not confuse one story for all stories 

Girl: Do not stare at a red dot and say...

Both: The whole painting is just one color

Who Were You Before the World Told You Who You Should Be?

Unfuck Yourself. 

Yes, I said it. Un FUCK yourself. You are probably confused by what I mean,  but I shall elaborate. You are also probably confused by the long title of this post, but the title is the crux of the post.

You are also probably confused at how society judges you for your fashion sense, or how you carry yourself when you are amongst family and friends. You are extremely confused at how society tells you to be yourself and when you are, you are told through advertising that your kind is the outliers.

And the only way to be accepted in society, you are required to dress a certain way and act a certain way. All these instructions as to how you behave ultimately lead to the question: Are you free?

Are you free to live in a society to not be judged based on whether your hair is curly or straight?
Are you free to live in a society that will judge you based on your character and not make generalisations on the basis of your skin?

When have we ever been free when we have been instructed as to how to conduct ourselves with regards to our personal expression of ourselves.

How many times have you said "She is so ugly"; "Look at her weird face"; and the moment that oppressed individual attempts to fix themselves with the use of makeup, society is already condemning the use of too much make up and "false advertising". It seems like it is a lose-lose situation. No matter how hard you try to fit in, society will always find something wrong with you in order to make you feel not beautiful.

Well here's my advice. Unfuck yourself. Society has been so busy penetrating your soul, that it is time that you be who you were before all that stuff happened that dimmed your shine. You are ALL beautiful, don't let anyone tell you differently, not even yourself.

To Tinder or Not to Tinder?

“Is love a tender thing? It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn.”

-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet.

The 21st century is definitely a very interesting time. We are bestowed with technology and gadgets that aim to make our lives easier. But what about our love life? Have we lost touch with the idea of meeting "the one" at a cafe or bumping into the "love of our life" in public areas?

Applications like Tinder in which a user can log in with their facebook account allows for the user to choose their own preferences and "swipe left" for rejecting and "swipe right" for accepting their ideal bachelor or bachelorette.

I personally have used the application, and I am making the decision to delete it. Here are a few reasons:

Tinder is regarded as a dating application, however, my problem lies with the majority of the users (that have matched with me) intentions are to meet up for sexual relations. I understand we live in a free world, but just being immersed into a world of sexual relations is draining for the soul.

A beautiful phenomenon, love is now being commercialised into a social activity.  The swiping left and swiping right has become a mindless routine, and instead of focusing on one's personality, the higher chance of you receiving a match will be only based on your physical appearance.

In conclusion, it should be pointed out that love should never be used as a capitalist gain. The fact that users have the option to pay a subscription fee to receive a premium package is just obtuse. Call me a pessimist, but swiping left and swiping right to find the love of your life is kinda dull.

Why Do Men Only Want A Party In Our Pants?

Before I start with this post, I just wanted to put a Disclaimer out there, that this post is very very biased. I do not mean to offend the male entity, but I do mean to try and change the mindset of the male mind, and note I did say TRY.


It has come to my attention, that through my experience and through my close friends experiences, the men in our lives tend to just want to have a party in our pants. Now as I sit here and type out this blog, I recently had a conversation with a guy that I have known for some time. And luckily (this barely happens), he asked me to drinks for Sunday evening. I wasn't really feeling it, but I decided to wait before responding too soon.

But...
Then I really got to thinking.


What else are you supposed to do when you're hungover, watching soccer or rugby? There is only one reason a guy would want to go out on a Sunday night: because he didn't get laid over the weekend. Boom. I am a freaking genius and my thoughts should be compared to those of Aristotle. (Not really).

When I suggested to meeting on a different night during the week, I was left with no response, which completely proved my theory. He didn't want drinks, he didn't want conversation, he just wanted to get laid. No hard feelings though, I am glad I was The One you wanted and sorry I wasn't coherent enough the first time we met.

Back to the topic at hand, seriously though, why do guys always just want sex? My one friend said: "I thought guys in the real world would have developed hobbies and interests other than vaginas." Sadly, that does not seem like the case. Whatever happened to meet ups and shared interests? If I want to go see a movie that I know we'd enjoy together, that doesn't mean I also want to sleep with you afterwards, and you men should be okay with that.

I understand that we're young, we're having fun, and we're all trying our best, but getting laid shouldn't always be the end game. Since when did "wanting to be social" and "wanting to bang" become synonymous with each other?
GIRLS, we need to start telling the truth. These silly excuses like: "I have my period;" "My dad hot-glued my private parts." Why do we say those things instead of telling the truth? Because of years of hearing that guys "get insecure" has trained us not to hurt a mans ego. Please. Not wanting to have a "party in my pants" and then kick me out of your apartment has nothing to do with your ego.

The Bottom Line from my Girlfriends:
#1

Stay true to what you want. Let a guy woo you and only have sex with him when it feels right for you. 

#2

Just go with the flow and let them use you for sex. Eventually you will find the guy that likes you for who you are. 

#3

A guy can't use you for sex unless you allow them to. Take responsibility for your own actions before its too late. 

#4

You just have to find the right guy. Tell them you aren't going to have sex if they ask. Don't worry you will eventually find the right guy. 

#5

Guys like him need Jesus. Go to Church or find a gym or go the library to avoid these people. 

But to you men, the next time you meet a girl, try and have a decent conversation without having to talk about 'the party'.

Till Next Time...
C

Hope.

I hope you fall in love with someone who always texts back and never lets you fall asleep thinking you are unwanted. 

I hope you fall in love with someone who holds your hand during the scary parts of horror movies, who holds your hand when life is also too, scary. 

I hope you fall in love with someone who see galaxies in your eyes and hears music in your heartbeats. 

I hope you fall in love with someone who tickles you and makes you smile on hard days and easy ones. 

But beyond all, I hope you fall in love with someone who will never leave you behind or take you for granted, someone who will stand by you when you are right and stand by you when you are wrong, someone who has seen you at your worst and has loved you still, someone who won't use you for their own personal agenda. 

I hope

You fall for someone who kisses you in the rain and hugs you in the cold. 

And wouldn't have you any other way.