Sexual Objectification #STOPIT

First and foremost, apologies for the delayed post. 2016. Basically. 


The concept of objectification owes much work to Simone de Beauvoir regarding the basic dualism of human consciousness between the Self and the Other. There is this general mental process where humans classify the world into 'us' and 'them'.

Women are universally viewed as the Other across all cultures, a role which is both externally imposed and internalized, and which means that women are generally not truly regarded as fully human. An important point of de Beauvoir's was that this Othering effect is the same whether women are viewed as wholly inferior or if feminity is viewed as mysterious and morally superior: "Otherness and full equality can not exist."

Now, when it comes to sexual objectification - this concept can be understood as the viewing of people solely as de-personalized objects of desired instead of as individuals with complex personalities and desires/plans of their own. This is done by speaking/thinking of women especially as only their bodies, either the whole body or as fetishizes body parts. ("Damn, but that booty doe. I gotta tap that.")

SEXUAL ATTRACTION IS NOT THE SAME AS SEXUAL OBJECTIFICATION. Objectification only occurs when the individuality of the desired person is not acknowledged. Pornography, prostitution, sexual harassment, and the representation of women in mass media are all examples of common objectification.

Another informal term that bugs me is: 'Jungle Fever.' Now you might think how is that jungle fever as a term is racist? And here is my response to that.

A fetish is racist because you do not treat them as equal to yourself. You have a mindset of what that person is supposed to look and act based on their race. A fetish is not a healthy attraction. It is a disgusting fixture on an individual based on their race. By fetishizing someone, you are stripping one's own individuality and reducing them to their race, which you probably view them as a stereotype.

Jungle fever - the word jungle. What comes from the jungle? Animals. In society, animals are not equal to humans, and that is what you are doing by proclaiming you have jungle fever.

(YES YOU READ IT PENNY SPARROW AND OTHER RACISTS. ANIMALS ARE NOT EQUAL TO HUMANS.)

Now you are probably going to comment on this and say: "But my (insert race here) friend/significant other does not mind that I have jungle fever. Stop taking it so seriously."

Booboo. Do not use your friends race to justify your fetish/racism. Your friends are not your ticket out of racism. Just because your (insert race here) friend does not have a problem with it, does not make it okay.







Assigned Readings: Just For Control. 

Dawn M. Szymanski and Stacy L. Henning. Sex Roles. Volume 56, Numbers 1-2. January 2011.

http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs11199-006-9147-3

Dawn M. Szymanski, Lauren B. Moffitt and Erika R. Carr. Sexual Objectification of Women: Advances to Theory and Research. The Counselling Psychologist: Sage. 2011.
https://www.apa.org/education/ce/sexual-objectification.pdf

This is Male Privilege

It is so hard for people to understand subtle things. 

I have had to explain this notion to numerous male acquaintances and I am hoping that a blog post would create a better understanding. Please understand that in no way am I attacking the male entity, but I am just giving a voice to the subject that needs enlightenment.

So first and foremost: Male Privilege. And yes, if you are a guy you are probably rolling your eyes and thinking, I don't have privilege because of my gender, I also have struggles. But just hear me out. Awareness is the first step, and by disregarding an experience won't help you. It is easy to rattle off examples, but when it comes to actually understanding how these examples affect your life, and how your engagement with them affects others, it is a different story. I am not speaking on behalf of ALL women, however, I am giving a personal take on male privilege. It is not right, it is not normative.
By highlighting this problem, we (women) are not just saying "this is wrong, so let's fix it." Instead, we're inviting you to consider the impact of gender inequality on your life and I am encouraging you to make a change for your sake and for the sake of your community and humanity.

I am sure many women have had experiences in which they are have been approached in public by men who enter their private space and comment on their physical appearance. This has happened to me countless of times. My own personal experience of this occurred yesterday after my long day at university. I proceeded to my car and a male stranger entered my private space to tell me that "my butt needs to be put to better use." But even in broad daylight, with many students around, I still felt uncomfortable to call him out on his behaviour. I simply decided to laugh and say "Thanks." I felt really sad at that very moment, that I couldn't stand up to him because I did not feel safe and that my laughing to him could be misconstrued as being okay with that experience and not just a defense mechanism ingrained into me by society.

Later that day, when explaining this incident to a male friend, I was simply told that: "He was just complimenting you and your physicality, Candice. There is nothing to get angry at." To him, it was all the proof he needed that my view that all types of "compliments", especially from male strangers to females, that being uncomfortable was ridiculous. The very fact that my feminity is meant to attract and please men led me to another realization this week.

It made me realize that most people think feminity is an act to impress men. It also made me realize that there are a lot of people who are convinced that men and women are completely equal in modern society. Like my law lecturer from last year said, the law exists, but what practical function does it hold in society. So yes, you could argue that women have many laws and rights that protect them, but what about societies mental perceptions and ills? Where is the protection in that? This belief that "women have it easy" is a ludicrous assertion.

Male privilege is a direct consequence of Patriarchy. In modern society, men will always be placed on the top. Men consistently achieve, succeed and benefit at the expense of every other gender.

This is male privilege.

But here is the thing, male privilege funny enough hurts everyone, including you. This is because accessing and deconstructing the concept often requires you to conform to a toxic norm of masculinity. And we all know this norm, the idea that "real men" are the ones who don't show their emotions, who solely value sports and physical strength, who don't reach out for help when they need support.

And I also know that no man completely fits into this narrow box of masculinity and that our society is unforgiving toward people who don't fit what they're supposed to be. (If you don't believe me, read my post: The P Word: Dissecting Patriarchy 101 for beginners).

So we have to face the ways traditional masculinity is rewarded with privilege in order to liberate everyone from the painful trap of societies oppressive boxes.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A BAD PERSON TO BENEFIT FROM MALE PRIVILEGE, AND RECOGNIZING YOUR PRIVILEGE DOES NOT MEAN SAYING YOU DO NOT DESERVE GOOD THINGS.  (You dig?)

But once you understand that these often invisible perks are not available to everyone, you can see why addressing privilege means recognizing that people of ALL genders deserve equal access to basic respect for our humanity.

(And I am so happy that you are this far into the article and reading it, you are taking steps to make a change). 

Let us acknowledge that male privilege is real. I will list and give you examples of what privilege looks like, however, it will not give an explanation as to what privilege really means. Examples of male privilege demonstrate how the patriarchy shows up - but they are not representations of every man's life, at every moment. They are not things that only men have ever experienced.

IT IS JUST MORE LIKELY THAT YOU WILL GET THESE BENEFITS IF YOU ARE A MAN BECAUSE THEY ARE SUPPORTED BY THE SYSTEM OF PATRIARCHY. 

A man walking alone at night generally has the privilege of not being targeted for gender-based violence, BUT a man of color may have to worry about being targeted for racist violence. A gay man could be the target of homophobic violence. My point here is that there are other systems of oppression because patriarchy does not exist in a vacuum. And also, my point is to show how intersectionality (how different forms of systemic oppression intersect) matters.

Our experiences in childhood and education plant the seeds for our identities throughout our entire lives.

So let's play a game called spot the male privilege! 

1. People give you toys that are more likely to be education toys to develop a range of skills, and to let you imagine a range of career possibilities - while toys considered "girl toys" are often limited to beauty, housework and childcare.
2. You can be assertive without being told to "not be so bossy."
3. Adults compliment you more for your abilities rather than only your looks, and you are not taught that the important thing about you is your appearance.
4. School dress codes don't suggest that your body is inherently shameful or unprofessional, unlike girls who are told that it's up to them to cover up - "remember ladies the four finger principle with your skirts that your counselors did in high school?" or "remember how girls could not wear colorful bras, as it would distract students from learning?"
5. You can make choices to have both career and family without people assuming it is a challenge or an unusual achievement for you to have it all.
6. You can get upset at work without people blaming your emotions on "hormones," "PMS," or "being oversensitive."
7. Your gender is more represented in higher paid positions. For instance, women are fewer than 5% of Fortune 500 CEOS.
8. A character of your gender in an ensemble cast (Marvel/DC comics) is less likely to be objectified as a sex symbol in posters and advertisements like women superheroes are.
9. You are more likely to be congratulated for having lots of sex, rather than shamed for it or called a slut.
And lastly: You are not expected to change your name if you get married or questioned if you don't.

(If you want a much more comprehensive list, feel free to ask me.)

So I like to end my blogs off with an idealistic image that things could change. However, I believe that this is the world we are living in, inequality from casual interactions that are deeply entrenched with gender norms, creating social, legal and health consequences for people who are not men.

I think the best we "woke" kids/adults can do is build awareness. Sharing resources to raise awareness and it is also important that you notice how we are contributing to these harmful cultural norms.

A Simple Guide To Understanding White Privilege

Most of the time, when people hear the word "white privilege" it tends to end in heated arguments. The most common response is how: "I have to work hard as everyone else", "People of Color have affirmative action or BEE, let's get over the whole race thing." and the most typical line: "Stop making EVERYTHING about race." 

These comments that I have read lately have started to frustrate me and has now led to this - a blog post about what EXACTLY is white privilege. 

In today's lesson, we will start with the basic foundations. 

If you have gotten this far, this means that you are interested in wanting to know what exactly WP is. White privilege is defined as “a term for societal privileges that benefit white people in Western countries beyond what is commonly experienced by non­-white people under the same social, political, or economic circumstances.”

In other words, in Western countries, white people are to be considered the "normal" whilst people of color are to be considered different. 

White privilege is simply the fact that majority of beauty products are meant to cater for the 'normal' group, causing a lot of beauty products to not work properly on People of Color (POC) skin or hair. As a black girl, finding my shampoo is nearly impossible, and when I do it is in an aisle labeled something like “ethnic products” and costs a lot more than “normal” shampoo.

A lot of people use the fact that POC have designated TV channels (BET, Mzansi Magic), groups, laws and other spaces as a pointer for white privilege not existing. If anything, these prove the fact that white privilege exists, because there doesn’t have to be a White Entertainment Channel for white people to see themselves playing a majority of the roles.

In high school, I always used to envy the girls that society appreciated. That is what society wanted and accepted. I, a black woman was seen as the deviant. The other that should not be regarded in society. White girls and boys are taught from birth through the media that they are beautiful and desirable while POC children are taught the exact opposite. So phrases and movements like Black Girls Are Magic exist to empower Women of Color and remind them that they are just as good. They are not put in place to say Women of Color are “better.” Most of the laws, groups, channels and other spaces made for POC were created because white people either refused to listen or allow POC to fit their standards of “good enough,” so POC created a safe place for themselves to grow and feel confident.

Don't agree with the previous paragraph? Let's discuss the "All lives Matter" movement. In Chicago, America, more people die in this state compared to the lives lost in Iraq and Afghanistan COMBINED. Don't believe me? Watch Spike Lee's Chiraq movie. Earlier this month, a young black boy was shot and killed for carrying a toy gun. Many things were said, but the statement that resonated with me was: Black lives clearly do not matter. "When a white man is stopped in America, he has the opportunity to justify himself for carrying a weapon. When a black man is seen with carrying a suspicious object, he is shot and killed." We can not override the Black lives matter movement because black bodies are worthless. The justice system has failed many black people in America, and it SHOULD be fair to give the minority the protection they require and DESERVE. White people who fail to see the importance of the movement, are further marginalizing People of color.

Now, let's see how South Africa practices White Privilege:

There are many highly skilled and qualified black professionals however they tend to remain junior managers and window dressers in Corporate South Africa, including the famous Hart Bank aka Standard Bank where there is only one black person in the eight-member white male Executive Committee. To add on to this, thousands more black graduates remain unemployed because they "lack experience." This is the democratic dividend which reproduces white privilege. And we as South Africans are expected to forgive and forget and not "think in racial terms."

The truth of the matter is:

No matter how many #screwbeauty campaigns we have, eurocentric standards will still be the norm, and people of color will always be deemed as the other.

No matter the fact is that 90% of American mass shootings are done by white men, the American Justice system will continue to paint people of color as violent.

No matter how many times we talk about white privilege, many people will sweep under the rug and tell people of color to forget about it.

Now let me, at least, make people of color experiences a bit clear for readers:

As a POC, whenever you bring up the unfairness or injustice of your race, people will not regard your experiences. THIS IS FRUSTRATING.

As a POC, you have to be careful of what you name your children, so that in the future when our children go for job interviews, they will sound "hireable."

As a POC, when you speak proper English and get good grades, YOU will ALWAYS be compared to the "normal" people.  You are going to be told that you "sound white"  or "act white" therefore being accepted and assimilated into society.

As a POC, you are constantly thinking about your behavior in order to reject the stereotypes society has created. Black girls are usually - loud, fierce, hard to get, ANGRY, poor, and oversexualized. I am always having to prove these notions wrong in a society that claims that you can be whoever you want to be.

NOW, White privilege doesn’t mean that white people can’t have hard lives, it’s saying that their lives won’t be hard because they are white. If a POC’s name doesn’t sound hireable enough, they could be rejected from a job that they need and deserve simply because of a stereotype. A privilege is anything you have or get that you don’t have to think about. Imagine being denied opportunities in life-based on the premise of your skin color and not on the premise of your character.

This is a simple request:

The next time you start complaining about the fact that you could not find parking at the shopping mall, or you broke your iPhone screen, take a moment to listen to your friends who find their own race to be a struggle, who find society judging them because of the color of their own skin.

Kind Regards

A Loving, Opinionated BLACK WOMAN.

The P Word: Dissecting Patriarchy 101 for beginners

In this blog, I will observe the effects that the oppressive system called patriarchy has on the male entity. I tend to always throw advice in my blog, but in this post, I will only comment and view rather than instruct. I will also not generalize on the male entity as it can bring negative comments. 

Co Attributor: Sabelo Dlamini. (@sabelo_jay_dlamini) 

My female friends always tell me that they struggle to understand men. "That men just don't get it", or "men are so hard to understand". But are they really? Are we as women not giving the time to see how patriarchy, [a system that oppress both women and men but allows for men to be superior] in fact lets men be difficult on themselves? I shall elaborate.

Let's start first by confirming that patriarchy is the single most life-threatening social disease assaulting the male body. However most men do not use the word patriarchy in everyday life, I am pretty sure they do not how it is created and sustained, or even how to spell it. Men who usually associate the word patriarchy, tend to associate it with the bra burning, radical feminists, But I digress. Patriarchy is a political-social system that insists that males are inherently dominating, superior to everything and everyone deemed weak, especially females and endowed with the right to dominate and rule over the weak to maintain their power. Now based on that definition,  I shall observe how this oppressive system is self-harming to the male entity.

We are aware that women's role in society is to serve, to be weak, to be free from the burden of thinking, to caretake and nurture others. Men's role in society is to be served, to provide, to be strong, to think, strategize, and plan. Men are taught that their value would be determined by his will to do violence (albeit in appropriate settings). Men are taught not to express their feelings.  We can argue how these roles in the 21st century have changed, but let's stick to the traditional roles.

What happens when men do not fulfill these roles? How does society attack the outlier? Now many men admit that they have been brought up in a household that does not instill patriarchal values. My one friend even mentioned how he was allowed to play with barbie dolls, but that it was the society that initiated him into patriarchy values. When men e been initiated into patriarchy, we force them to feel pain and to deny their feelings. Although I might not have enough personal stories to share, it can be accepted that the tyrannical power of patriarchy still holds us captive.

It is also important to observe that patriarchal thinkers are common to females and males and that the male entity is not the only entity to sustain patriarchal values. Most of us learned patriarchal attitudes in our family of origin, and they were usually taught to us by our mothers. Still to this day, my mom frowns upon the fact that I have the skill to connect the amplifier to other devices, but will praise me when I am cleaning, cooking and washing. From home, these patriarchal attitudes are reinforced in schools and religious institutions. Since 2002, women were only allowed to be ordained to be priests and deacons. Weird. We can not assume that men are the sole teachers of patriarchal thinking.

The silence promotes our denial. We can not deny, that men do oppress women. We can not deny that women promote patriarchal values. We can not deny that this oppressive system allows for the domination of men to prosper in society. Now, we as a "woke" generation need to come up with solutions to address how to enlighten men and break their shackles from the mental and psychological oppression. We are so quick to scream "foul" for racial injustices, but when our sisters and brothers are being beaten, raped and marginalized by a social system, we remain silent. WE can not remain silent anymore. I will not stand for the future generation to fall to this system, we need to do something for both entities.

A tale of two worlds

This is a piece that I decided to write about from the perspective of a girl and boy about the teaching and prevention of rape. I feel that rape culture is something that needs to be discussed with all gender classes. I hope you do enjoy it, and I hope that you can be brave to have discussions about something that can and does have an impact of all of us. 

Girl: My school was fairly progressive; they even taught contraception in our sex education class. 

Boy: When I was 14, my dad handed me a box of condoms, and said, "You know how to use these, right?" 

Girl: We were taught which preventative methods were the most effective. 

Girl: And where to go if something broke

Both: What to take, how to fix

Girl: This mess you've gotten yourself into. We were taught about herpes, and gonorrhea and syphilis. 

Both: And how to keep all your fluids to yourself. 

Boy: My friends taught me which clinics wouldn't tell my parents 

Girl: Which ones handed out free condoms

Both: But I was never taught that there are worse things that could happen than a baby or a disease

Girl: Yeah, we learned about roofies

Boy: We learned to respect when a woman says 'No.' 

Girl: We learned about protecting your drink, carrying pepper spray

Boy: We learned what to do when a woman is assaulted

Both: But not that this could happen to me

Girl: I was a virgin when I was raped for the first time

Boy: When IT happened to me, it was 10 AM, and my parents were home

Both: My textbook hadn't described the way I wouldn't even try to fight, there was no paragraph for how to stop them without making a scene. 

Girl: There wasn't a worksheet for how to stop him without waking my parents

Boy: there was no correct answer to her threats of suicide when I wasn't in the mood.

Girl: There was no manual for the police victim

Both: You know, it wasn;t like they said it'd be

Girl: I was sober, he was sober 

Both: We were...

Girl: 17

Boy: 15

Girl: They didn't teach me that I wouldn't know how to protect myself

Both: That my lungs would close up, and we would make pretend husband and wife, make pretend love. 

Boy: The thing about pretend

Both: Is that it flattens everything to one color 

Boy: It makes it too simple 

Girl: It makes it one syllable 

Boy: I learned that if you don't scream

Both: No one will listen to you

Boy: They don't write about the ones that got away

Girl: I learned that foundation comes in different shades

Both: No one wants to hear 

Girl: The struggles that are associated with your skin color 

Boy: They only ask how you're doing

Girl: I don't wanna blame my school 

Boy: I don't wanna blame her

Girl: I don't wanna blame my church, or my mother or even the boy 

Boy: We were just children

Girl: But this is preventable

Both: So someone must be responsible for preventing it, we can teach this better. 

Boy: Some paintings are built from a thousand points of color

Girl: If you stand too close, a sunset becomes just speckles of red dots.

Boy: We teach that rape is always a man in an alley 

Girl: Always a clenched jaw and a closed fist

Boy: Always a stained white shirt

Girl: But I never used my pepper spray 

Boy: I never had to worry about an uncle in a locked room 

Both: Do not confuse one story for all stories 

Girl: Do not stare at a red dot and say...

Both: The whole painting is just one color

Who Were You Before the World Told You Who You Should Be?

Unfuck Yourself. 

Yes, I said it. Un FUCK yourself. You are probably confused by what I mean,  but I shall elaborate. You are also probably confused by the long title of this post, but the title is the crux of the post.

You are also probably confused at how society judges you for your fashion sense, or how you carry yourself when you are amongst family and friends. You are extremely confused at how society tells you to be yourself and when you are, you are told through advertising that your kind is the outliers.

And the only way to be accepted in society, you are required to dress a certain way and act a certain way. All these instructions as to how you behave ultimately lead to the question: Are you free?

Are you free to live in a society to not be judged based on whether your hair is curly or straight?
Are you free to live in a society that will judge you based on your character and not make generalisations on the basis of your skin?

When have we ever been free when we have been instructed as to how to conduct ourselves with regards to our personal expression of ourselves.

How many times have you said "She is so ugly"; "Look at her weird face"; and the moment that oppressed individual attempts to fix themselves with the use of makeup, society is already condemning the use of too much make up and "false advertising". It seems like it is a lose-lose situation. No matter how hard you try to fit in, society will always find something wrong with you in order to make you feel not beautiful.

Well here's my advice. Unfuck yourself. Society has been so busy penetrating your soul, that it is time that you be who you were before all that stuff happened that dimmed your shine. You are ALL beautiful, don't let anyone tell you differently, not even yourself.

To Tinder or Not to Tinder?

“Is love a tender thing? It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn.”

-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet.

The 21st century is definitely a very interesting time. We are bestowed with technology and gadgets that aim to make our lives easier. But what about our love life? Have we lost touch with the idea of meeting "the one" at a cafe or bumping into the "love of our life" in public areas?

Applications like Tinder in which a user can log in with their facebook account allows for the user to choose their own preferences and "swipe left" for rejecting and "swipe right" for accepting their ideal bachelor or bachelorette.

I personally have used the application, and I am making the decision to delete it. Here are a few reasons:

Tinder is regarded as a dating application, however, my problem lies with the majority of the users (that have matched with me) intentions are to meet up for sexual relations. I understand we live in a free world, but just being immersed into a world of sexual relations is draining for the soul.

A beautiful phenomenon, love is now being commercialised into a social activity.  The swiping left and swiping right has become a mindless routine, and instead of focusing on one's personality, the higher chance of you receiving a match will be only based on your physical appearance.

In conclusion, it should be pointed out that love should never be used as a capitalist gain. The fact that users have the option to pay a subscription fee to receive a premium package is just obtuse. Call me a pessimist, but swiping left and swiping right to find the love of your life is kinda dull.